see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Your penis caused this!
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