girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
