We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
