it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
