So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
