But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
