THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
