her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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