You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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