how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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