u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
