when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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