I cut my penus on the lid.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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