Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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