dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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