It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
