Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
