i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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