I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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