Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
