Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
