i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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