The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
