i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
