the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
