so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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