am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i need some magic done to my vagina
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
