Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
