WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
