I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
