Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
