just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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