I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
