It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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