I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
