worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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