so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize