I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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