new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
