she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
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I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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