Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
