I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
