AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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