So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
