just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
