Sponge bath it is.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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