no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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