Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
