the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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