apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
