They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
