Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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