So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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