i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
