i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
