I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
