i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
