I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
