Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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