The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
