I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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