I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
