youre lurking in front of me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
