M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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