I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
