i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
