jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
