Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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