And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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