hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
