she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
