I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
