dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
