It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
