Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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