She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
