she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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