he puts the penis in happiness.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
