I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
