I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
