PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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